Burden

There seems to be absolutely no way through which I may be able to rid myself of this huge burden, given onto me by whatever cruel force that dwells in this world.

I don't even know myself if my annoying behaviour, which at least seems as if I try to show myself off is actually what it seems to be, or what I think it is. I have always thought, and there is still a part of me that thinks, that all this is because I feel I should share what I know with everyone. But somehow, it makes almost every person feel I am only trying to show myself off. I truly feel that I have honest intentions. I always smile as I try to share the little I know, through every way. I try to detail them, because I DON'T want anyone to think I am actually trying to make them feel that I want to show them that I know something that they don't. It always works out quite the opposite. They, sadly including the one I have always hoped she would understand me, almost always think I think them stupid. An honest confession is, I do think most of them stupid. Most, but not all. I even try to make it obvious who I think stupid and who I don't, but it simply does not work.

There is an alternative hypothesis. Maybe, unknowingly, I really do want to show off. But, still, I feel sad and ashamed of myself when I consider that. I wish you would understand how bad I feel when I consider that I might be such an evil and unbearable person, and how I see it as a burden. However, I cannot expect that from you when it hurts you. I can't expect you to be understanding of me when I have hurt you.